A New Chapter

Hey!

So I deleted my old posts that were long forgotten about and were so cringe-worthy that they had to be removed, so I am starting again on a clean slate to create (hopefully) a coherent blog that will be much more interesting to read.

In the last two years, I have gone from being a young and naïve child who had just finished her GCSEs, to the stronger, more empathetic person that is sat in front of her laptop today, and I can honestly say that it has been far from easy.

In a couple of weeks time I will be sat in my university room, having just moved in, with numerous opportunities just an arms length away. I can't begin to describe how much all of these opportunities and getting into my first choice uni means to me. Having been diagnosed with Panic Disorder and struggling with all of the things associated with that, and loving someone that made me change my whole perspective of both myself and my life, there were honestly points when I truly believed that I would never be sitting here today, being able to say that I am going to study Psychology at the university that I had dreamt about.

I couldn't quite believe it at first, it just seemed like a dream that I would just wake up from in a click of someone's fingers, but no, it was as real as anything, and was a huge relief. My whole life had been leading up to this one point, as there was always talk of me going to uni, and it had always seemed so achievable until I had started my A levels.

I never really believed that I was ever good enough. I had recently hurt the person I cared about the most, and the way that my heart sat sad and heavy in my chest was as if a weight was lodged within me forever. I sat around doing nothing for weeks, waiting, just waiting for some good news.

I am so excited, I actually can't wait, never before has my life looked so positive and inviting. Yes, my heart is still sad, as I have lost the person that made me feel happy and safe - my rock has been swept away by the sea - but she has given me the strength to be independent and optimistic and I just want to make her proud of me in whatever I choose to do.

So here is to the future that I can now create for myself. I have all of the building blocks I need, and I have a strong base to build upon. There is literally nothing holding me back except myself now and, however cheesy it sounds, my life is only just beginning!

Song to listen to: Let Her Go - Passenger

Becky x